James Contrino "This blog has everything I love: Rocky Dennis, Mork and Charlton Heston!"

Yes! We do have everything...except running water and a decent toilet. I'm tired of shitting in the same pot that Jerry Reed boils hot dogs in!

I'm gonna have to look on Craigslist for a separate pot for just shitting in.

Okay, Jerry Reed, aka Harry Johnston, just invented a new confection...Octo Dogs. Take a look!

He woke me up from my cocaine stupor to show me these fucking things! I said they look like the tips of a penis some coalminer stuck an M80 in! These types of things don't surprise me anymore...Jerry reed is a weird dude...just take a look

i actually hate the guy, but since I haven't worked in 18 years and this is the only individual to let me near their home, I should be grateful. We first met when I was hitchhiking in Iowa and he pulled over in his 1973 Plymouth Duster. It was filled with plush toys that he actually buckled in with seatbelts. I asked what the fuck he was doing with a backseat full of plush toys and he pulled a machete out of his wig and told me to shut the fuck up! We've been inseparable ever since.

Bravo says i have a lot of shit on my walls.

Bravo is correct. I have a lot of shit on my walls, but not this:

 I wish I had this on my walls, in the store. After I first saw this as a kid, I was convinced Dr. Zaius and Admiral Ackbar were played by the same actor. You ever talk like Charlton Heston for no reason? I do..."Damn you all to hell!" I'll say that arbitrarily. It works great on people who have never seen the movie, or as I like to call them...Al Qaeda!

Our Magical Unicorns were drunk last night

Drunk...and high on cocaine! They were on the warpath, looking for jerkos with 3 3/4" chips on their shoulders. They didn't find any. What they found were some hard core assholes who complain when they find out something is made in China! Fuck you, you goofy fucks! The Chinese laborers need to eat to and so do I!

should this be a mean spirited blog??? do i want to drive losers back to their caves??? is it gay to have goldfish???

I wanted a blog because of all the cool cats i know who have them. the difference? theirs are edgy and have something to say. this blog is nonsense mixed with a little satire. the edgy ones i speak of are:

Smash The State, Cobra Cabana and RTG and FIREFLYED #1 GOOD GUY ACTION ZONE. these guys have a lot more to say than me but what i have going is Mister Harry Johnson and COBRARATHOVERCRAFTFIREFLYZARTAN1993, who deliver verbal spankings like no other. If we suspect you are a jerk, we send a Magical Unicorn special delivery, full of spanks and bits of glass...so don't be an asshole on a fucking gi joe forum or we will ass rape you with adjectives and verbs!!!

Ass raped by a Magical Unicorn Gangsta for being a bad poet, bad photographer and having a shitty ginger beard!

Da Talent

Memphis is famous for its funny hats, donkey carriages and now...this! The #1 GG in Memphis has not answered our requests for an interview. Harry, COBRARATHOVERCRAFTFIREFLYZARTAN1993 and I need his expertise at exposing the truth about many things, like...ufos, bugs and these goofy ding dongs...

                                                                            "Ginger"

                                                                    "General Softball"

                                                                     "Sonny Lyin"
These people are mysterious and evil. They listen to bad music, publish poetry and eats their own offspring and pretend they're still alive. I demand a recount and want them fired! Wadda ya say Harry and COBRARATHOVERCRAFTFIREFLYZARTAN1993???

Jerry Reed!

Our good friend Jerry Reed aka COBRARATHOVERCRAFTFIREFLYZARTAN1993 has been enlisted to handle the huge influx of e-mails that have come in. COBRARATHOVERCRAFTFIREFLYZARTAN1993 once told me, "Phil Larry, rocking chairs only dangerous as the man using it". Wise words.

Harry Johnson will be on hand for any medical issues our listeners may have. Harry believes in magic and used to play in a band with this guy...they were fucking awesome. If you don't recognize the names ( the fellow with the silver star is Tom Blacktoe, yes, he's a native American and those colors don't run! You better not hate America, the home of Henry Fonda, Jim Belushi and The Hogan Family!

the second post today

I promised a picture that looked like someone in the JOE community. This bears a strong resemblance to what I believe a vicious Canadian named Jay looks like. Jay is evil and I have never read a post or comment by him that didn't leave me feeling dirty. He is angry and insecure and complains about his deformed feet alot. Shut the fuck up! I would kill for deformed feet! You can wear slippers all fucking day long and nobody will think you're an out of work coal miner.