Greetings, fuckfaces and erection chewers! I live in this shithole called Jonesville...look at this Ethiopian asshole of a town! You can't even fit through the fucking doors unless you're some lego faggot! Anyway, I gotta stop complaining all the time, I sound like one of those wimpy concentration camp survivors...IF that really happened. So here's where I live and I'll introduce you to some of the other winners I bunk with...
So here's Mario Lopez and Chief Auto Parts, they were extras in The Whale Rider. These two assholes get a nice government subsidy for not being able to read. They live on the third floor over the pizza joint, so instead of smelling like curry, they smell like an Italian whorehouse.
Here's old Barry Tinkle Lips. The elephant isn't real. Barry has it on casters and just rocks back and forth making it move about. Barry is who we use to settle disputes around town. His method of arbitration is to roll into a room and start singing old Squeeze singles...the room then clears. Barry is mildly retarded and obviously a member of Hisstank.com.
The guy with the eyepatch is Hernando. He panhandles and does a little hooking too. His best customer is this guy:
Thats right! Me! Hahahahahahaha! Now we just recently had a tragedy here in Jonesville. Treehugger, the caveman, went on a bender in my Beetle with some of the other guys. They found a canister of helium rolling down the street and got high and stole my car...
...it was pretty bad. Paul the gorilla was taking a hit of helium and dropped the canister on Treehugger's foot and they ran into Barry...
...no big deal! We ate him!
pretty accurate. jonesville was where napoleon dynamite was filmed. notice you never saw them go in or out of any buildings.
ReplyDeleteOh man! I was actually calling it Jonesville after Tommy Lee(two face). I thought i made Jonesville up. Fuck! I'm not as clever as I thought.
ReplyDeleteHernando has two earrings, so that fits.
ReplyDeleteI've hated Tommy Lee Jones since that Three Burials of Erik Estrada movie. If you haven't seen the film, every character in it is a pathetic asshole who sucks at life. It's Hisstank if hisstank pretend to be commentary about real issues.
you did make jonesville up, i was just making a bad joke about napoleon dynamite and the awesome jonesville universe you created.
ReplyDeleteyou're still as clever as you thought.
the only clever thing from this is, maybe, the term "erection chewer"...everything else I stole from Zombiehobo.
ReplyDelete