What to say to celebrities when you meet them...

Hey! This is Phil Larry Potter's father, here...Tony. That's Phil Larry on my right hand. In my left hand is some fat kid I stole. I'm a simple man and not too glib, so I always get tongue tied when I meet a celebrity. Here's an example. One time I met Roseanne on the bus in Boston, so I say, "Hey, cunt! Nice facelift, you twat!". Two people applauded, but others looked at me strangely. In hindsight I might have been too forward, so I have compiled a list of generic things to say to celebrities on the street. Let's try it out!

Okay, here's super star Sherman Hemsley. Try out this fantastic line that you could say to anyone on him and you'll be drinking buds in no time...
"Oh, wow! I just shit myself, can you please spank me to jar the rest loose? By the way, I fucked your grandmother in the ass."


What celebrity wouldn't be flattered by that question? Okay, lets try another...

Here's either Shelley Long or Liza Minelli. You meet her in a restaurant and throw this at her..."Oh boy! Your work in that movie and or show really inspired me to beat up some gays!"

You can use that line on a male celebrity as well, but I've found it more relevant to broads who act. Now here's a great line I use on foreign celebrities like Danny DeVito...

"Hello mam or sir. Do you feel your work makes women have abortions?"


That question puts the celebrity at ease and strokes their egos at the same time! I like this next one too. Its great for someone who may only look like a celebrity, but is really just a plate full of food...

"Pardon me, but can I rub my nutsack on your face?"

Its a classic line and is ambiguous enough not to get you arrested. Sometimes I can't tell if something is a famous athlete or coat rack, so I keep this one up my sleeve...

"Excuse me, but are you the athlete and or coatrack that scored many points the other night?"

Atletes AND coat racks love to be flattered.

So thats my tutorial on what to say to celebrities on the street. I have to go pick up Phil Larry at his AA meeting and bring him to work at the bowling alley.